No Photographs, Please!

Wow. There’s nothing like a new low. I live with it every day, facing it and actively ignoring it. that is until a pivotal moment that gobsmacked me. Going about my day-to-day existence knowing in the back of my head what’s coming. Today was that clarifying, or re-clarifying, moment.

I spent a week sitting on my butt in a hotel learning about writing, what I need to do to create the best manuscript I can, how to query and pitch it, and to never stop learning. Meeting some truly fabulous people in the industry from publishers, agents, editors, authors, and cover models. And I was going to set about snapping my picture throughout the events. That was until I looked at myself in the pictures.

I’m back to being the woman I once was, insecure, unhappy, and way too heavy. Time to figure out a new way to fix and find myself. I have absolutely no idea what the current number on the scale says; don’t really care right now, to be honest. It’s too much, by a lot… 70 pounds minimum, could even be close to topping out at 100 pounds of too damn much.

Eff me. How, or rather¬†why do I do this to myself? I’m an embarrassment to myself, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my kids were not embarrassed by me as well. What a way to represent.

So, I need to drop as much weight as humanly possible before next Memorial Day, in time for my daughters graduation. Here I go again…

What’s a girl gotta do?

I was at a a lovely meeting and luncheon this morning, getting some great ideas for my writing when the presenter brought blogging into her discussion. I immediately focused my attention because 1) duh, I blog (okay, so it is sporadic in timing, and very random in topics; it is a reflection of me *grins*), and 2) I want to learn all I can about the craft and marketing myself, gaining an audience, so when I finally have my book up for sale, more people than just my family and friends will purchase it. The presenter was talking about how blog posts should not be boring (oops!) and hopefully they would be reader centered, and what my goal is: relatable. Somehow during her presentation I mentioned my blog and what / how I write. And why. And then my mind began to wander off… not permanently, I kept up with the discussion and her suggestions, but an idea for this post was formed. (I expect you all to be “oohing” and “ahhing” ¬†in amazement right now.)

 

What is this amazing post idea, you wonder? My mind drifted to the questions of dating after divorce, and wondering what the hell it takes to meet single people within my age bracket. You would think that my working at a home improvement store and encountering contractors every day would make this easy, but nope, not so much. I guess it is too much time spent in the role as a middle school teacher corrupted my brain on how to act when a man flirts back with me (remember my Adventures in Derp post? Read it here). So, I am wondering what I have to do to meet nice, non-crazy men and go out on dates? Before you ask, yes, I am on dating sites but so far they have all been meh.

 

Loki eyeroll

Yea, I know that I should not be obsessed about this, but being single for this long sucks. I’m ready to move forward, but, and again I ask, what do I have to do? Stay tuned…