M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N: day 50

I did not realize I had gone so long without writing anything, but I guess it goes hand in hand with my title today. Motivation, and mine had waned. The want, the desire to be healthy was still there, beating inside me like a living thing, but my mind, the control center, had become bored. Of everything. I was tired of having the same meal for lunch at work, my salad and baked potato were so meh when everyone else at work was feasting on pizza, or bar-b-que, or, God help me, Taco Tuesday. The heavens aromas wafting through the office made my healthy lunch pale in comparison. And the walking. The eternal walking, walking, walking to nowhere were leeching the remaining spirit from my soul. What was the point of walking if there is no destination?!

It took me a good ten days of floundering around, wallowing in myself, to remember that there is, in fact, a destination, and that destination is a healthier version (and if I happen to be more lean and toned? Bonus!) of myself. And my immediate goal destination is May 18, 2018: my son’s graduation from college. To not be a disappointment to my kids when they look at me, all too much of me, huffing and puffing to keep up with them, and to make them, and myself, proud.

After a mental slap, and a discussion with both the motivation and the desire to succeed, I am back at full throttle. I may still walk to nowhere for now, but I can enjoy the time getting lost in an audio book. I can try and enjoy flavors on those healthier food choices. And, if my food budget allows and I have taken my walk to nowhere, I can enjoy a bit of Taco Tuesday without beating myself up, or giving up.

T minus 89 days and counting down. It’s doable, one step, one meal, one day at a time.

Route Recalculating

“Route recalculating. Please proceed to the highlighted route.” I don’t know how many times my GPS has told me that when I’ve missed an exit, gotten locked into a lane by traffic, or construction moves the exit/ road I’m searching for. This time, however, it was my own internal, mental GPS that continued off course, despite the pleadings to make a safe U-turn and proceed to the highlighted route.

I’ve been away from so much that I enjoy doing, and take solace from! Things that help clear my crazed, cluttered, confused, and weary mind. This journaling, blogging, creating, writing has just been pushed aside while I celebrated family, moved family in with me, had surgery, worked like crazy, and made so much other stuff, and many other people, priorities over myself. I don’t begrudge any of it, by the way, I just need to move myself up a little further on the list.

I need to find time (and energy) to step out and take a walk, or ride a bike. To do something to help bring my body back to where it should be. I know the benefits I’d gain physically, but I tend to discount the mental benefits as well.

I know I can’t get there from here. Time to listen to the GPS and get back on the right road.