Lifestyle Change: Day 8

It’s the beginning of the second week of the new year, and the beginning of the second week of my lifestyle challenge / change, and I am already noticing some improvements to myself. The biggest so far is the increased amount of energy that I have, despite removing 90% of the known sugars that I was consuming on a daily basis.

I have been hitting the treadmill every day, and I will be honest, I have not wanted to do it every day. Why? I work nights. Three nights in a row for twelve hour shifts, and I really do not want to do anything once I get home and wake up, but I digress. I started last week on the treadmill walking at a slow to moderate pace, not pushing myself to avoid injury after being stagnant for so long. With a little encouragement from my son, today I hit 3.5 miles in 60 minutes! not too shabby for a couch potato. *grins*

My next challenge for this week is to begin incorporating some light weights into my workouts, at least three times a week. Hopefully adding a new dimension will keep things fresh and keep me from finding those dreaded plateaus.

I am trying new foods (thanks to my son!) with several hits and only one real miss, and my water is going strong.

One week down and I have dropped 5 pounds. I know it’s going to be water weight, but I will still take it! Five pounds is five pounds. If I can do this at 47, you can too.

One more thing: if you have seen The Greatest Showman and enjoyed it, I have found the soundtrack to be a good treadmill companion.

Thats all for now!

Life’s Hard Lessons

There’s an old saying of “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” This is a great saying, but over the past 5 years, I have made so many pitches, gallons, and 50 gallon barrels of the stuff with every start and stop along the weight loss trek, that I have probably lost count. I think the worst part is that I have put it here on the world wide web for anyone to see my failures. I keep reaching, thinking that this time it’ll be different. But it’s not. It has yet to be. I think I may have finally figured out the (my) problem. It has all been in my mind set.

I keep going into every year like a cliff diver in competition in Mexico, ready to plunge head first into the depths without thinking about the consequences. I would go full tilt for the first three or so months and hit a plateau, or burn myself out, or hurt myself. The end result would always be the same: I’d quit. I would look at the progress that I had made and kiss it goodbye, inevitably reversing my progress and adding more to where I started.

I thought I was at my lowest point last year when I last took the dive, weighing in at 247 pounds (see my post here). I was wrong. Too much stress eating. Too much mindless, fog eating while at work or at hope. Couple that with no exercise and we have where I am today, I think that, for right now, I am going to keep the numbers to myself. Cowardly? Yes.

I am stepping into 2018 with a different way of thinking about this. I am not going to say that I am on a diet because that way of thinking has crapped out on me too many times. Instead, I am going in to 2018 making a lifestyle change. The four letter word does nothing for me other than making me angry…

What do I mean by a lifestyle change? I am going to focus on altering my eating habits, logging in everything I eat, and keeping my daily calorie count under 1600. I am going to focus on drinking more water, and stepping away from the sweet tea at the golden arches. I am going to start getting more active, slow and steady, building up as my body lets me.

What are my motivations this time? Why am I trying again? There are a few reasons. The first is I am tired of being tired all the time. Knowing I am unhealthy but not doing anything to change it is stupid. I am tired of being an embarrassment to my children (my feelings -they’ve never said anything to me about being embarrassed). Third is my son graduates college in May of this year with a degree in kinesiology, and I don’t want to be the fat mom there. I have a feeling there are so many more reasons on the horizon, I just do not want to wait any more.

How am I going to accomplish this? Wait, just how much is ‘this” that I am talking about? Let me answer the second question first. Overall, I want to lose 100 pounds, yes, I know it’s a lot. That is how much of the too much of me there is. Now, for the how? I have signed up for a weight loss app called Noom to help me get through this change. Add to that eating better, more water, and more exercise. And small goal chunks. My first goal chunk is to drop to 246.4, and I know this is doable. I am going to make an effort to hit the gym daily for at least an hour of cardio to rebuild some muscle, and start erasing some of the fat that I have accumulated.

My goal here is to try and document every other day, if not daily, how its going, how I am feeling, what are my struggles and accomplishments. I would say fingers crossed, but it’s not up to luck or chance this time. It’s up to ME.

A New Year, kinda

Here we are *toots a horn* five days into a brand spanking new year; aren’t you excited? I mean, with me at least, every “new year” is the same thing over and over: I resolve to be more active, have more fun, push out the walls of comfort and live a little, find my inner happiness, write, exercise, lose weight, etcetera. A few years ago, when I started blogging (before I quit for a year), I had reached a low point in my life. I was so disgusted with myself and the way my life was turning out, and how I was shaping up. I made a commitment to myself, and those who read my blog, to share my journey through diet and exercise hell, all in the hopes of liking myself. I had great success at first, going to the gym almost manically, losing something like 14 pounds ij the first month, but then I gave up on myself as my life took a tragic turn, and I started funneling all of the emotions into writing rather than keeping up with the much needed exercise.

I’ve watched myself turn back into the borderline morbidly obese woman that I had once tried so hard to beat, and I guess you could say that I have beat her… I am now bigger than I was back then; the scale and the measuring tape with say so. I made the decision the week before Christmas o try something new after the festivities of the new year were done. I saw an add on FB for a dance studio offering an introductory ballroom lesson for $49 and I jumped on it. Monday. January 2, was the next “new” start. I say this because I decided to take to heart the posts I kept seeing on FB saying that, on January 1, it was the start of a new 365 page story, write a good one. Well, I worked on New Years Day, so my new story started on January 2… I went to that dance lesson and I.Loved. It. I’m ready to go back again, have some more fun, awaken muscles that haven’t been used since the 1990’s! Yes, I was a sweaty mess, yes, I was clumsy, but I still left smiling.

But wait, there’s more (stop grumbling)! I also joined a new gym, one that is closer to where I live withe better, and much more, equipment than the last one had. Of course, when you join a gym, you get your “free consultation with a personal trainer,” and yep, I bit the bullet and bought a month of training, three times a week. Today was the first session with him, Sam. He might just fall into the category of Sadist, just like my original one was all those years ago.

I didn’t cry, not this morning, and not since then, at least not yet. We did the weight, body fat, and measurements today. It was bad; real bad. He was kind, telling me that he didn’t have to tell me the numbers, but if I’m going to give this another try, then I have to own the numbers. And, like last time, I will not hide anything from myself in tis blog. I’ll share the fun, the tears, the failures, the successes,  the gains, and the losses. I will say that I HOPE to #giveit100 – we will see together, so far I’m completed 3 days.

Here is the ugly truth: Weight -247.2  Body fat- 40 Neck -17 1/2 inches Waist-46 inches Hips- 50 inches

As I said, I’ve not cried. Yet.

 

 

Green

I swear I go through moods, and ideas, and themes, like a toddler in a candy store. I am back in the “I don’t really like myself as I am” phase, so I am trying something that a nurse recommended to try. “What is it?” you ask. Well, let me tell you, this is a blended to liquid mixture of about 3 cups raw spinach, 3 pineapple chunks, and 1 banana. It’s, honestly, not terrible, but the texture is odd. You cannot taste the greens, but if you decide to try this, be warned about the texture. (The nurse did warn me that the would go “right through me” so I am sticking close to home. Depending on how I do with this, I may try to incorporate it into my daily routine as a meal; see if it helps me lose some of myself.

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Dissatisfied

Here I sit, almost halfway through another year thinking about all of the “I promises,” and “I will’s” that I have told either myself, mu friends, or my family members, and being afraid to admit to how many I’ve failed at, either by starting and then stopping, or just flat out refusing to start. Until tonight.

I was reading a discussion thread  which said “… You are the CEO of You, Inc.” This really got me to thinking about all of the things that make up me; what brings me joy, saddened, anger, goals I’ve set and reached, or fallen way short of. I have to tell you that, when you are at a certain point in your life, that is a scary view. Allow me to give myself a performance evaluation.

I’ve written. I love writing, but I let it slip through my hands because of self doubt. If I were still teaching, I would encourage my students to keep going, to reach, because, even if they quit believing in themselves, I believe in them. Below expectations.

My health. I can already tell you this one is a huge failure. I go, and go, and go, and get bored and discouraged because I do not see any results so I quit. I know it is a slow process, but it does not matter. Below expectations.

Job. Well, this one is difficult to evaluate because I left my job a month ago for a new one. I know that, given the proper equipment and opportunity I will succeed, but as of now, I’m just “there.” Meets expectations.

There’s a new one that i’ve added recently, and that is going back to school for my Master’s degree. One and one half classes complete and I’m glad I took this leap to better myself. Above expectations.

There you have it. I meed to get back into the swing of things, and into taking better care of what matters to me. I hope this time I can follow through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYj40-cZ5vI