Category Archives: career

Movin’ On

Sometimes I wonder if Julie Andrews was right when,  from high atop a mountaintop in Austria, arms spread wide, she sings, “Climb every mountain, search high and low, follow every by way, every path you know… ”

I’ve talked in past blogs (I think) that a lot of life is based on perspective. A good friend of mine was advised to try and change perspective instead of letting things bother them so much. And they tried to, succeeding more often than not, but it seemed that finally the ability to change perspective just gets to be too much, that there are nor other options. No other glasses to look through. No kaleidoscope to peer through in hopes of seeing something -anything- better than it is.

You’ve lived on this mountain, trying everything to see better. You keep climbing up it, fighting battles, weathering all types of storms along the way. You either make it to the top, or you just know that that climb is too difficult.  Sometimes when you get to that point, at least to my way of thinking, its time to take drastic changes. If you don’t like the view that you have where you’re standing at, maybe its time to move to a new mountain.

You have the ability to change what you see, and how you see it. If you’re not happy, your friends will try their damnedest to cheer you up, but more often than not, the change, or choice, to be happy resides in you.  Is it easy? Nope. Is it scary? Hell, yes. Are you with taking the chance on? Absolutely. Go for it!7b7440cc3ac22a93fc7fbd164437f060

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Cheers for 2015!

I did it. I have blown the sides of my comfortable little box wide open. I ended last year with the release of my first book, a novella that, while not a best seller, I can take pride in the fact that I wrote my first book, and am currently working on another two.

Beyond that, and wow, is that crazy for me to even say?!, is that I have followed a dream and travelled to Ireland. I’m actually sitting in the hotel pub! My holiday here ends on Tuesday before I venture into London and then onto France to visit with my brother and his family.

I wrote back in June (Really? That long ago??) that I was going to start living boldly (you can read about it here). I gave a list of things that I wanted to accomplish, and while I never made it to the dance classes, I did make it out of the country. This is, in my mind, a much bigger leap in the “live boldly” pool.

What can I try and challenge myself with this year? Of course theres the obligatory “lose weight,” “exercise more,” “Get healthy,” routine that I pledge to do every year, but never get around to doing… Maybe a bit of reverse psychology is needed? This year I resolve to do nothing healthy, eat pure crap and laze around all the time?

This year I will try to respect myself more. I am who I am, nothing more, nothing less. I can’t expect people to like me if I don’t like myself. How can I like myself if I don’t respect myself?

This year I’m going to do at least three things that will better me. Maybe learn something? Train for, and complete, something? I don’t know, but it has to be three things.

This year I’m going to be a better Mom, and a better daughter. I let the events of early last year control so much of my time. It’s been almost a year; it’s time to move on.

I’m sure there’re more things that will pop into my brain as the year goes; we’ll see what happens in 2015.

Love Remembers

Does anyone else go through waves of things to say? I’ll hit a point where I have so much that I want to write down and share, and sometimes I do, but then there are other times when I don’t. And then there are times when I wish I had something to say, but my my mind is nothing more than the shifting sand dunes of the Sahara Desert. Wait a second, if this is my blog, and I have stuff that I want to say, then why would I want to sit on it, not share it when so much of my post is unfiltered and personal? That’s a good question, and one I am still working on. I’ll try to explain here in a bit.

 

This week is bound to be a stress filled, emotional, anxiety driven week for this gal. Today, November 10, is my parents 51 wedding anniversary… Another in this shitty year of firsts that my family is dealing with after the loss of my Mama. Daddy has gone back to Georgia to be with her mother, and to visit Mama’s grave. I have to stop there because I’m now blurry and teary eyed.

 

I think I’m better now? I guess we will see as I keep writing. The stress and anxiety part of the week for me comes on Tuesday when that little dream I decided to make come true when I wrote about it (see here). That dream, and my first ever novella called Cold Heat goes live for sale then. Will keep writing, I have more stories inside me that I want to tell, and I know that I will improve with every word, paragraph, and story that I write.

 

CH Apple Kobo BN

 

The last thing about this week? Well, I flip to a new number on my odometer on Friday… Yep, it clicks over to to 44. I’m not sad about this (or not too much, anyway) because the alternative to aging is not. I only wish I didn’t suddenly see so much evidence of the wear and tear of the years spread across my face.

 

There you have it. Until next time 😉

 

 

 

Dreamscapes

When I think back on everything that has happened in my life so far during 2014, so much of it feels like a dream, the very definition of surreal. I’ve learned a lot about myself and life the past ten months, often finding myself wondering if everything is really real, or some crazy, vivid dream that is the effect of a bad dinner.

 

The year started in shock with a breast cancer diagnosis on my mother, followed too quickly by the disease fighting harder than was anticipated and the loss of Mama on February 28. The months following her passing were a huge struggle for all of us, but I’ve learned that I can survive the grief. No, its not always easy… There are times when I want to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about something or other; and other times when scrolling through my Facebook contacts and stumbling across her name…

 

I left a career of ten years, opting to take care of myself and find a job that I enjoy. I look at what is happening in education right now and, while some may think I took the cowards way out, I learned with Mama’s death that I had to take care of myself, and the first step in that was to leave an environment that had become toxic to me. I’m now extremely happy in my current position with this company. A worthwhile leap of faith.

 

I wrote a book. A dream that I have wanted to do since middle school, and here I am, 17 days before my 44 birthday and I finally did it. So my debut novella, COLD HEAT by LeeAnne White, will be available for pre-order on November 1, and it will go live on November 11. A very busy birthday week for me.

 

Finally, I’ll be crossing another item from the bucket list. I’ll be taking a once in a lifetime trip (hopefully I’ll make it back there again with my daughter) to Ireland, London, and France for the New Year… I suspect there will be a lot of blogging about this trip (maybe even a story or two!).

 

So, please, if this is a dream, don’t wake me.

Blerg

I’m not sure why it is lately that I have so many ideas for what I want to write about when I am nowhere near my laptop (usually when I am either a) at work and not able to write anything down, or b) in bed, worn out after being at work!), but as soon as I sit down to start writing, it’s like my mind and all of my thoughts have been sucked into a black hole! Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of those thoughts and thinks going on, but I wonder if I should write about them? *snort* Who am I kidding? I have already shared so much on here, why would I suddenly turn shy when I have this platform of (relative) anonymity?

 

Things in my world have been rocking right along, staying super busy and usually incredibly happy with the job I have. I honestly can’t completely wrap my brain around the fact that I have been with this company for over a year, and that I left a career of ten tears to work full time, and I still go to work every day happy and smiling, ready to see what comes my way that day. I come home tired, worn to the bone some days, but I can still smile because of some little something or other that happened that day.

 

With all of this working, I have still not made the time for myself to get back to the gym like I have been telling myself I would. I am meeting with the Sadist once a week still, but the time I need to allow, no, that is such a wrong word. I should not say that I am allowing myself time for myself… I have not been making the time for myself to look after myself the way I know I should. The weight is back, and then some. The body shaming is back in the front of my mind, and embarrassment of and for me is constant. I look and think, near tears, how gross and disgusting.

 

I don’t think that many people realize these thoughts go through my mind on a constant loop, thanks to the masks that I try to wear. Unless they read this, and I only know of a couple of my friends who do, no one in my close circle really knows the truth. Again, it is here in this forum that I can express the truth because I know I am not alone. I wonder how many more “me’s” there are in the world.

 

I think I’ll stop here now that I have put a depressed pallor on my blog for the night.