I was asked if I knew the value of me. The short and easy answer to this is no. I am not being silly, nor vain, nor narcissistic, I just have no clue how to begin to even think about answering this question. How do we measure the value of ourself? Is it in deeds we have done? Kindness shown? Restraint demonstrated? Is it to be found in the legacy we leave behind us? Do we find it in our strength to do things that are the right, even when it the least popular choice? Or when we push ourselves just a bit further than is comfortable, in order to learn more about ourself and grow as a person?
Value is defined as the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
I sit here looking at my future prospects, career wise, and with nothing on the line at the moment, the old self doubts want to resurface, taunting my conscious with negatives that point to the very definition of value and tell me that there is no value to me, if there were, I would have succeeded in finding a job already, eliminating the stress and uncertainty. Yet I sit here hoping, believing, that my thoughts, my day to day struggle with myself, and my documenting them, and the steps, however small they may be, which I am taking to overcome them, these things could be helping at least one other person in the world…
My value, my purpose might be nothing more spectacular than that, but I believe that that could very well be enough for me, for now. I still have no clue what my values, I might figure it out one day or I may never get it, but I may be finally figuring out what my purpose is, and that is good enough for me.