I am still trying to regain my footing in the world of writing, well, anything. The words that once came so easily to me have slowed to a nonsensical trickle, and quite honestly, I don’t like it. My thoughts have been muffled by something, and until I figure out what that “something” is and how to get over, around, or under it, it will continue to be this roadblock in my mind. I have hopes that I will find a way to breech it soon, though. In the midst of the end of the school year preparations, joy, and sadness, I am taking a steps for myself.
A list. It was suggested that I create a list of goals that I hope to accomplish while searching for my muse, the way around the roadblock, and what will I do with myself after?
1. I want to get back to where I was mentally last year when I began the quest to become a more healthy and fit me. I have learned that, while enthusiasm for this goal is necessary, when I go too hard, too fast I burn myself out and quit, and then I revert right back to where I was originally because my mind and body are screaming “STOP!” Slow and easy… It goes on quicker and easier than it comes off. It is a marathon, not a sprint. As long as I keep going, the results will come. (in my mind I totally sounded like James Earl Jones in Field Of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.”)
2. I want to be creative again. I have not one crafty bone in my body, so all of those cool DIY things I look at on Pinterest are out, but there are other ways to be creative, and to share.Singing, dancing, writing? these are things I can throw my hat into the ring with.
3. Stop being embarrassed and sing out. Do I sing well? I don’t know, I have been told I do, but I don’t hear myself like others do. My brain is telling me “The bible says, ‘Make a joyful noise unto the Lord.'” It does not have to be Adele type singing, so long as I am having fun and singing from the heart, it is joyful, and it could very well be noise to some peoples ears (lol) but I have to learn to say “So what?!” Okay, so I have started on this one by creating a parody song for my classes / staff for summer vacation and posting it on youtube.
4. Learn to dance. Yup. I want to get out there and learn to salsa, or two-step, or jitterbug, jive, etc… You get the idea. Once upon a time, several years and pounds ago, I loved to dance, and was pretty good at it. I want that back.
5. Do the writing thing again. Whether it is the words here in my blog, or working on the story that my muse and I started before her vanishing act does not matter because I hope that one will lead back into the other. I miss the outlet I had in my words…
6. Do a job that makes me satisfied. My time in this school is almost up, June 6 will be my last day affiliated with this district on a professional level. I have many friends that I will miss seeing every day, and I will miss my students who were and who are. When you find yourself constantly unhappy with where you are, there comes a point when you realize you need to move on. This is my time.
7. Believe in myself. Yup, this one will be the most difficult. I have to get beyond looking at my perceived negatives and find in myself some good, the good that others tell me is there but I just brush aside because I can’t -or don’t- see it.
So there we have it, my list of goals. I hope that I will be able to check them off in time.