Have you ever felt that you needed a fortune teller to point you in the correct direction? What path do I take? Will I ever find love? Will I be happy with my career choice? Will I ever be rich and famous? Who? What? Where? When? Why? Where is “The Great Karnak” when I need him most?
I am in a state of flux between being so happy that I am nearing the end of a book which, over the past 2 and a half years, has left me feeling unhappy, bitter, and miserable, moving through everyday with the “honey badger don’t give a ****” attitude, and feeling so sad about leaving another one of my families, one that has seen me through so many ups and downs over the past eight years… My emotions feel like the pulls on a grandfather clock.
I am further confused (okay, scared) about the unpaved road that lies ahead of me. Will I be able to find a new home for me, continuing with a career that I love? Or am I destined to struggle into a new one at this point in my life? Can I do it?
Then there is the dream that I want to attempt to grab, and pray that what I am holding does not sift through my fingers, my hands, like water, or fine sand. My dream relies on my words, the jumbled up blatherings that crowd my head, looking for escape… Yet, with everything that has happened in my life over the past four months, the past five weeks? I am not certain I can find my way back to those words.
I know that I control, to a small part, my own destiny. I just wish my choices were less blurry to me in the now.