Options

Somehow it seems that out of what has the potential to be my /our darkest moments God, fate- whatever you may call it- has a way to show us that things are surmountable, if we are just willing to try. To trust.

endings

My life has gone, as I have mentioned in previous posts, ass over elbows since January 6. Over the past weeks I have suffered some personal losses that cut me too deeply. They, well, I thought at the time that they had broken me. Too much, too fast, and I had no idea how I would be able to handle it. It was this past week, when more bad news came my way, that I anticipated this latest shoe to drop, and it did.

This year has already had enough climbs and falls to rival the best roller coasters, but it is a ride I am more than eager to get off of, and look for a smoother one, and now I can.

Things, whether good or bad, seem to happen in threes, and this week had the expected third blow, and it came, stretched out over the week, but it was finally put into words on Friday morning. This deluge of bad that has been my companion for 2014 would have, once upon a time, knocked me so far down into depression that I would be lost for a long time, but not this time. This time I have come out with a sense of peace that I have not felt over the past two and a half years.

I am sitting here looking at the next nine weeks wondering if this is the end of this chapter in my book, ready to start writing a new chapter in a different location, or is this the end of this book in what will be a series of stories in my life? Do I stay with the career I have enjoyed for the past ten years, just move it somewhere else? Or do I branch out, try something all together new? Do I take my hobby and put the words, people, and stories in my head on paper? There are so many options that I have, things I would have been too scared to really contemplate, until now.

There is one option- no, it is not an option, or it shouldn’t be- that I am facing now. Again. I have to get back the mental attitude that I embraced last year to get healthy and fit. I let that and myself go. I stopped living for me. It is this me that I once again need to find and celebrate.

So here I am, maybe a little stronger than I realized, unbroken after everything, looking at the options I have in front of me, and you know what? I’m still pretty damn happy with it.

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