My weight is creeping up. I know why; I know exactly why. I am a stress eater. I am an emotional eater. I have not been getting to the gym like I know that I should be (its been too damn cold!). My school district has only had one full 5 -day week of school since November thanks to the freakishly cold and wet winter that so many people have been experiencing.  I really do not want to go to the gym and get sweaty, only to get cold as soon as I go back outdoors to my car (Yes, I know I can work out at home, but I always fear I will anger my downstairs neighbor).

The eating thing is so wrong. I had kept crap in my house, using it as comfort food in my families time of high stress. I have cleaned out the crap. Tossed it, okay 99% of it (I kept the Oreos) into the trash.

I look at where I was so many months ago, I follow the path I was taking and look at where I went so very wrong. I look at the so many times “I am going to start over” and I get so discouraged, so disgusted with myself. I wonder whether it is really worth the energy and effort? I let the same old negative voices in my head take over. I know I am not alone in this. I know that I am not the only 43 year old who wants to make changes, who starts, and then fails. I don’t want to fail anymore! But I swear, for the life of me, I do not know how to carry on, or even start now.

Yup, the good and the bad are hashing it out in my brain. For now, while the cage match goes on between those two, I will trudge forward, then back, like a sloppy and poorly choreographed two-step, and perhaps someone reading this will find the words that inspire me, or I will find the inspiration back in myself.

2 thoughts on “*Sigh*

  1. Only when you suffer failure can you enjoy the triumph of success. You will succeed and it will be all the sweeter for the failures that you have overcome. You have come so far, which means that you CAN do this. Don’t give up. I have faith in you even when you don’t have it in yourself. I celebrate the successes you will have and look forward to the triumphant conclusion of your journey!

    I believe in you completely RIGHT NOW
    Before you achieve your goal, I already see your SUCCESS

    1. Is there a gym that you can go to that has a shower and changing facility? Maybe a hot tub? That way you can work out get sweaty and then change at the gym. Your muscles can get relaxed by the hot tub.
      Try different things to motivate yourself. Perhaps a treat of a massage if you go to the gym for a week straight. Make it a doable reward.
      Don’t give up. Life is hard. But you need to be the best that you can be. For yourself. For your family. For your friends.

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