What Are The Odds?

11:12:13

Wow. I did not realized how long it has been since my last post until a friend asked me when I was going to post again, and I saw my last post date just now. It saddens me to say why I have not been posting lately, but confession is good for the soul, and (hopefully) it will be the kick in the butt that I need lately.

The odds that I have stacked in front of myself over the past month have grown into this mountain of “I can’t” and “I don’t want to’s,” and now I am facing another candle on the birthday cake, another holiday season, and the 10 year “anniversary” of my divorce. I really do not want to look at any of these the same way again, but unless I quit sabotaging myself, this loop will continue.

I stopped going to the gym, for a myriad of reasons, most of which are overcome-able, but I just let myself slip and slide back into the habit of going home after work and staying there. My eating habits have been (mostly) stable, with the exception of Halloween candy and my son’s birthday, so thankfully my weight just fluctuates by a pound. It was this morning, however, that I saw something that I was working past, and it both depressed and angered me. My stomach, which, while still soft, had been toning up, losing much of its jiggle. I had worked hard for that! I was so tired of being the frumpy, overweight, divorcee… And now I look in the mirror and see the hard work that both my trainer, the Sadist, and I had put into me, going away.

I need to find that spark that I had, the energy, the desire. Somehow over the past month I have lost it all. I wish it were as easy as typing it into my GPS to find, but its not that simple is it? Everyone faces these struggles, and I am curious how you have overcome them. While I have used the song before, the Imagine Dragons Demons seems the most appropriate song for this post.

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2 thoughts on “What Are The Odds?

  1. Forget the past. Live in the present. Take small steps. Go to the gym. If you can only crank out five minutes on the treadmill so be it. That five minutes is better than none. You want to feel and look better. You can sit on the couch, just try to get a little exercise in some days of the week. You have that fork in the road. Take the path with small set backs as opposed to not going down the road. Just because you had a set back doesn’t mean you are going to give up. Maybe next year you will be at that ideal weight. But make this year the last year with those jigglies. If working with the sadist was too much for you don’t return to that. But if you enjoyed it then think about you exchanged your time at the gym for. Was it time with your family, sleep, volunteering,reading,writing,or something bad for you? We all make choices. The goal is to be happy with what you decide.

  2. Desire urges me on as fear bridles me. Giordano Bruno

    We all are constantly under the influence of both and sometimes wins one and sometimes the other force. E.g. my desires to connect are currently again totally bridled by my fears of (enter long list of things that could be mentioned here). And giving in to the fears puts in many cases a burden on our conscience, what again fuels the fears and… Bottomline: MY LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T DEPEND ON YOUR SUCCESS IN THE GYM OR IN YOUR DIET; BUT i WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY: If happy entails that you get your butt to this gym and your sadist because it is something you enjoy when I expect you to move your butt there whenever you feel like it. If happy is a better diet I expect you to treat yourself in this way. But if happy is treating yourself to a good movie after a burger meal, don’t feel bad about a thing that actually makes you feel good.

I would enjoy your thoughts and comments

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