Wow. I did not realized how long it has been since my last post until a friend asked me when I was going to post again, and I saw my last post date just now. It saddens me to say why I have not been posting lately, but confession is good for the soul, and (hopefully) it will be the kick in the butt that I need lately.
The odds that I have stacked in front of myself over the past month have grown into this mountain of “I can’t” and “I don’t want to’s,” and now I am facing another candle on the birthday cake, another holiday season, and the 10 year “anniversary” of my divorce. I really do not want to look at any of these the same way again, but unless I quit sabotaging myself, this loop will continue.
I stopped going to the gym, for a myriad of reasons, most of which are overcome-able, but I just let myself slip and slide back into the habit of going home after work and staying there. My eating habits have been (mostly) stable, with the exception of Halloween candy and my son’s birthday, so thankfully my weight just fluctuates by a pound. It was this morning, however, that I saw something that I was working past, and it both depressed and angered me. My stomach, which, while still soft, had been toning up, losing much of its jiggle. I had worked hard for that! I was so tired of being the frumpy, overweight, divorcee… And now I look in the mirror and see the hard work that both my trainer, the Sadist, and I had put into me, going away.
I need to find that spark that I had, the energy, the desire. Somehow over the past month I have lost it all. I wish it were as easy as typing it into my GPS to find, but its not that simple is it? Everyone faces these struggles, and I am curious how you have overcome them. While I have used the song before, the Imagine Dragons Demons seems the most appropriate song for this post.