Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find that you have crossed the mountain.
— Unknown
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
From the Final Thoughts: “Daring greatly is not about winning or losing.  It’s about courage. In a world where scarcity and shame dominate and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. It is uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times. And without question, putting ourselves out there means there is a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But as I look back on my own life and what Daring Greatly [it’s from a Roosevelt speech] has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.”
A dear friend of mine sent me the above this week in an email, saying that as she was reading it, she thought of me. I- well, maybe that is the point. I do not see myself as particularly courageous. I have faced some challenges head on because there was no real other way to do so, but if I look back on my life and the almost 43 years that I have been here, I see so many places where I have done just as Ms. Brown describes above, I have stood on the outside of my very own life, looking in, watching as I have given others the control over so much of me.  It’s now time to take control, and one of the few things that i have the ability to control is my weight, my health. It is a one day at a time, one drop of sweat at a time, one pound at a time.
So, is it courage? I still don’t know, but it is about time.
A human being is only interesting if he’s in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.
— Barbara Streisand

Caution: Detour Ahead

If you’re trying to achieve, there will be road blocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
— Michael Jordan

I realize I have been quiet, again, and for that I will apologize. It seems that my life continues to follow the track of a high speed, high adrenaline roller coaster, leaving me very little time to stop and catch my breath, let alone follow through with my promise to write (more frequently than I have of late) my blog. The above quote by Michael Jordan is so very accurate, and I feel like the child’s song “Going on a Bear Hunt” with the obstacles I keep bouncing off of, asking myself whether I can go over it? Can I go under it? Can I go through it? Or can I go around it?

I have been trying to work all of the above mentioned options in my workouts with the Sadist over the past 4 weeks, but my workouts have been limited to cardio and legs only, and, to be honest, I truly let the cardio go this past month. After finally meeting with my doctor, a round of x-rays on my shoulder, and an MRI on my neck to rule out pinched nerves, I have been cleared to start working my arms, but with no overhead lifting until I can strengthen my rotator cup. Tonight, after getting the limited clearance from my doctor, I met up with Sadist, and he gave me a short, but intense, workout.

     quarter mile walk /run at 4.3 mph

     12 walking lunges with 20 pound barbell behind my head (like I am in a squat stance on the Smith          machine)

     12 squats, still with the 20 pound barbell, same position

     12 good mornings with the 20 pound barbell. These are the modified dead lift that drops the barbell along the contours of my legs, then I bring my arms forward to a 90 degree angle from my shoulder as I raise up.

     REST.  Repeat 3 more times.

While I fully admit to not being as diligent with my workouts as I was during month 1, I did -mostly- stick to my diet, tightening the reigns on it even, in exchange for the lack of effort in the gym. I stepped on the scale this weekend, and I am six pounds away from my first major goal of this journey, and I am determined to make it there before my next month- end tests.

So, swallowing my pride and my hatred of pictures, here is the visual of my first three months with Sadist. Month 1 was in the leggings, month 2 in the black sports bra, and my latest pictures (which I had him take tonight since I was not in a gargantuan t-shirt) in the white tank and white sports bra. I know there is not a huge visual difference, but I am continuing to work on that, from every angle.

months 1 -3 months 1 -3B

There you have it, and me. I am not doing this alone. I have one of the greatest support teams around… I only need to remember to utilize them. If you come to a spot in your journey where you feel like you’ve no one there for you, remember I am there with you, cheering you on. We are never alone in our struggles.

Protect your breasts

This is a great reminder as we, here in the US, approach Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October.

Lisa Fulham - Author


Today some of you may have seen that I posted the following picture on twitter.


I had posted a picture of my new bra and then said that my tattybojangles looked rather good in said bra. This prompted a small army of people demanding proof and after some huge self doubts I did it. The response I got was amazing and I’m glad that I digged deep to find the courage to do it. I LOVE my boobs; they’re just like me—big, in your face and like to jump around. In fact I love boobs in general and will always point out a damn good pair to my husband and congratulate other women on their impressive pair. Boobs should be celebrated no matter their size, but more than that, boobs should be protected.


Now this post is turning a little serious and I do hope that you…

View original post 571 more words

Struggles to Glory


It seems as if Monday was forever ago! This week has flown by so far, and I have been bombarded with so many thoughts, words, circling in my brain about what I should write about next. The hard part is sorting all of that jumble out into something coherent and, hopefully, meaningful. The correct combination of words that will continue to encourage you to find the “it” you are searching for.

I have been learning a lot over the past two months that I have been on this journey. I have realized that where true friendship lies I will find my biggest, most constant supporters. The men and women who touch me most, despite the too many miles and oceans which separate us, are the biggest and loudest source of encouragement. These are the ones who have reached out to me when I have doubts about myself, and my reasons for sharing so much of my life with you all. I learned that I am not alone in my circle of friends, that sometimes I have said the right thing at the right time to the one who needed it along with me.

I have been learning that I am much stronger than I thought, and not just physically. I am still not one who enjoys confrontation, the getting in someones face and letting them have it, but I am not quite the pushover that I was a few months ago. I have been including songs /videos that represent me somehow, songs that reflect my progress, or my attitude. From Katy Perry’s “Roar”, Sara Barielles’ “Brave”, Kelley Clarkson’s “Stronger” to tonight’s “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. I know I am not quite at the edge YET, but I am a hell of a lot closer than I was in mid July.


Every one of us is searching for something, some piece of something. If we are lucky enough, we know what it is we are looking for, the parts and pieces that we are missing. Every day is a step toward that peace. It is a journey, a quest, a battle, a goal that no one can take for us, but if we are lucky, those who matter most will cheer us on from the sidelines and be waiting for us at every success. If you get to a point and feel like you’re suddenly alone, you’re not. I’ll keep cheering you on, and if you listen with your heart, you will hear those who matter the most to you, and to whom you matter, applauding each and every step, no matter how big or small it is.

Thanks to my cheerleaders, M, K, A, G/J, W, A, A, J, R, T, KTK, L, Mom and Dad

Month 3 Begins: A Good Life


I am hoping that I have the month from hell behind me. The past four weeks have been such an exercise in strength, patience, self discipline, forgiveness, will power, love, and this list could go on and on. Four weeks ago, i went into my strength test with the Sadist feeing all kinds of excited and ready to hear the results of my hard work, my literally working my butt off. The change in me over the first four weeks was HUGE: 10 pounds lighter and 14 inches less of me to love.

The second four weeks, well, I did not try nearly as hard as I could /should have. My shoulder and neck injury has restricted a lot of my work outs to being either legs or cardio only, and this setback was evident in my max weights today. When I went in with Sadist to start my measurements, I was divided on whether I wanted to know the truth or not; I would be happy as long as nothing went up in measurements.

My weight did drop by four pounds this month, not as much as I would have liked, but down is the direction I want to head in.

I lost another half inch in my chest (Thank heavens!!)

I was down an inch in my right bicep, vs. half an inch in my left bicep.

Down another inch in my stomach (REALLY! I did not believe it either!)

While my hips remained the same, I lost another half inch in each thigh.

The most stupefying measurement was my body fat. Why is it that I am so stupid happy over a drop, small though it is, in my body fat? The 2.5% drop is the symbol, more than the other numbers I have listed, of my progress. To see the numbers on the body fat measuring tool slowly start the drop from my borderline morbidly obese percentage to now? Yes, I know I am still carrying around an unhealthy percentage of body fat, but it is going down.

What do I need to focus on this next month? I need to be more aware of my stressors and how I enable the to control me. I need to work on taking a smidgeon of time every day for myself, whether it is in the gym out running who or whatever is troubling me, quiet time reading, writing, or meditating. I need to continue to take control of my life, My happiness depends on no one but myself.

My other goals for this next month include hitting 200 pounds, or less. Lose another 5 overall inches. Run a 14 minute mile straight. 40 sit ups in one minute, and 35 push ups in one minute. Increase my flexibility by another one to two inches.

There you have it, my not too spectacular month, but progress was made. Am I happy with myself? You bet I am! Remember, the small successes ad up to on surpassed goal.

Here we go:

Jul 25, 2013 14 1/2 49 1/2 46 14 14 43 47 1/2 28 28 17 17 223 38 590 85 24 17 27 16.30
Aug 16, 2013 14 47 1/2 44 13 13 42 45 26 26 17 17 213 38.5 720 85 32 25 30 14.55
Sep 16, 2013 14 47 1/2 43 1/2 12 12 1/2 41 45 25 1/2 25 1/2 17 1/2 17 1/2 209 36 720 85 32 —— 31 14.17