I woke this morning with a couple of thoughts running a course through my mind. The first thought was, “Wow. This is it, the last day of vacation.” despite the fact that I have been at work this past week, getting ready for a new school year to start. Today is it. The End. Tomorrow, ready or not, in my part of the world, kiddos return to classes, filling the hallways with chaos, wonder, and quite a bit of noise. The other thought that has run along side of the first is, “How am I going to be able to accomplish everything that I need to do this year with such a crazy schedule?!?” While the first thought made me pause, it is the second one that has really left me dazed and confused today.
I look at the people who succeed in so much, staying so busy, while making it all look almost effortless to the outsiders, when in reality, while I am peering at the same endeavor through the gaps in the fingers which are hiding my eyes from the truth, I am just now beginning to see everything they sacrifice. I don’t want to have to give up anything that I need, or enjoy, but the mountain I see looming in front of me seems so large!
I have made a commitment to myself to take better care of me, a huge undertaking that involves not only the healthier and more fit outside, but also repairing the inside, the heart that gets bruised so easily, and the mind that is so forgiving of everyone but myself, forever finding the flaws that only my eyes will see. The commitment to document my thoughts, progresses, and setbacks so others know that they do not stand alone in their struggles.
I have my commitment to my children to be the best Mom I can be for them, and to be there as much as I can. Any parent out there understands that no other description of this role is necessary.
My commitment to my jobs, to be a reliable person. To work to the best of my abilities in every capacity I am needed in. To not only protect and defend my students if need be, but to be a brush stroke, or a page written, in their life.
Looking at the next nine months that lay out in the calendar ahead of me, I see my weaknesses. Life is a balance. I hope I can maintain mine without sacrificing something special to me.