Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls.
— Melodie Beattie

8:4

I was sitting here trying to decide what to write about today, so many thoughts and ideas crashing in my mind. So much I want to say, just not sure whether anyone cares about the words that come from me, but then I remembered that, while I am journaling my thoughts here, my journey to find a more fit, and therefore healthier me, is being done for myself first and foremost, my family second, and everyone else third. So if whatever I decide to write about does not generate any love, feedback, comments, shares, or whatever, I am still speaking what I believe.

I was looking for a picture of a fit woman’s body to add to this post, one that is reflective of what I hope to look close to at the end of this, and I will admit, I became quite angry and discouraged when every body that came onto my screen had the super flat stomach, with the perfect abs, a small waist, perfect (small and perky) boobs, etc. Why this bothered me is because, no matter how hard I train with my sadist, no matter how much I alter my diet, one fact will always remain: I have the bone build of a man. I am tall, I have a large bone structure, a wide chest, etcetera. I will never fit into what the media qualifies as a “fit” body. I went to search at the plus sized models for the fit and healthy, and again, I am utterly disgusted by what the media calls “plus sized.” A size 12, 14 or 16 woman is hardly “plus sized.” What she is is beautiful, and healthy, and real. Marilyn Monroe was, is, and always will be a bombshell beauty, yet by the fashion and media standards of today she would be plus sized.

I am a real, live, breathing, eating, chocolate loving woman. I will never again see a clothing size that is under a size 12 (if I am lucky). I will never have the (pardon this if it offends you) fucking thigh gap that has become the newest craze. I just want to live what I have left on this world in a body that is healthy and fit, not by fashion standards, but by my own. So, what is it I am looking for? As I told you at the beginning of this journey, my body fat started at 38%, I want a healthy body fat: 20% to 24%, and a body weight of 170 pounds. If I can do this, reach these goals, and also encourage others to take the steps, then I will have finally succeeded.

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4 thoughts on “Be Brave Enough

  1. I saw an interesting photo series that showed the bodies of famous people before and after they were photoshopped. Absolutely amazing. Those pictures of famous people are not real. We all have cellulite or big pores or hair on our toes! We are real people. Do what makes you feel healthy. A happy person inside has a beautiful outside. You will notice that inner glow will gradually grow stronger.

  2. I am so proud of you! No matter where you end up, you have taken the first step and are doing something. You are right. This journey is for you and you alone. We can be there to support you along the way, but ultimately, you are the only person who can decide to make it. Stay focused. Remember you are a beautiful person and one I am rooting for you!

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