Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls. — Melodie Beattie
I was sitting here trying to decide what to write about today, so many thoughts and ideas crashing in my mind. So much I want to say, just not sure whether anyone cares about the words that come from me, but then I remembered that, while I am journaling my thoughts here, my journey to find a more fit, and therefore healthier me, is being done for myself first and foremost, my family second, and everyone else third. So if whatever I decide to write about does not generate any love, feedback, comments, shares, or whatever, I am still speaking what I believe.
I was looking for a picture of a fit woman’s body to add to this post, one that is reflective of what I hope to look close to at the end of this, and I will admit, I became quite angry and discouraged when every body that came onto my screen had the super flat stomach, with the perfect abs, a small waist, perfect (small and perky) boobs, etc. Why this bothered me is because, no matter how hard I train with my sadist, no matter how much I alter my diet, one fact will always remain: I have the bone build of a man. I am tall, I have a large bone structure, a wide chest, etcetera. I will never fit into what the media qualifies as a “fit” body. I went to search at the plus sized models for the fit and healthy, and again, I am utterly disgusted by what the media calls “plus sized.” A size 12, 14 or 16 woman is hardly “plus sized.” What she is is beautiful, and healthy, and real. Marilyn Monroe was, is, and always will be a bombshell beauty, yet by the fashion and media standards of today she would be plus sized.
I am a real, live, breathing, eating, chocolate loving woman. I will never again see a clothing size that is under a size 12 (if I am lucky). I will never have the (pardon this if it offends you) fucking thigh gap that has become the newest craze. I just want to live what I have left on this world in a body that is healthy and fit, not by fashion standards, but by my own. So, what is it I am looking for? As I told you at the beginning of this journey, my body fat started at 38%, I want a healthy body fat: 20% to 24%, and a body weight of 170 pounds. If I can do this, reach these goals, and also encourage others to take the steps, then I will have finally succeeded.