Be Proud of Yourself


Post-baby weight.

Turning 40.

A girls only vacation.

Getting a degree.

Controlling stressors better.

These are just a few of the reasons I have heard from my friends for finding the strength within themselves to walk toward a goal.  Our individual goals do not, necessarily, come easily. Quite honestly, I would hope that they do not, because if it means enough to you to reach for it, imagine what it will be worth in the end once you’ve met it?

Every little step forward is exactly that, a step forward. It does not matter how small that step may be in your mind, anything that gets you where you are wanting to be is something to be proud of. You did not have that other cigarette. You had only one glass of wine. You took a walk around the block. Whatever it is, be proud of yourself. I am learning that if I focus on those small accomplishments of mine, those steps on the right direction, I can better cope with my demons when I have a setback. I want to continue to learn how to not let stress beat me down. I am learning how to pick myself up after I’ve been pushed down. Will I forget that once in a while? Yep. Will I pout or sulk? Most likely. Will I remember how to be brave? God, I hope so.

What else have I started to learn over the past 5 weeks? I am learning that I am stronger than I knew, or remembered? I am learning how to be proud of myself. I am learning how to like myself. Here I am on this journey, this quest of self discovery, to make myself better, healthier, and I’m learning to like myself? Shouldn’t that come at the end, after I reach the end? NO! I have to like myself enough to want to hit that next mark. I stopped caring for far too long. I stopped seeing any value in me. I gave up. Every day that I find a positive is a good day. I am learning that, maybe not to everyone, but to those who matter, I am perfect just the way I am.

Every step is further than the one before. So, be proud of what you do, of what you have done, of who you are.  I am proud of you, but you are the one who matters.



The nicest, sweetest, most awesome things have, well they’ve not happened to me, but they have been said to me by some of the amazing new friends I have met electronically, thanks to the world wide web.

I know I keep beating this drum, but, well, you keep reading it, so I figure it is okay. I am on this journey of self improvement, physically, mentally, emotionally. (Yes, I need a lot of work) I am making myself accountable to the world, to anyone and everyone who takes the time to read my myriad of rambling thoughts. I have hoped that, while I am doing this, I could inspire someone else to take the steps toward a healthier life. Mind you, I am NOT saying skinny, because I know that skinny does not always mean the same as healthy. What I am suggesting is healthy, fit, active. To find yourself in a healthy body fat range.

I have cut my alcohol consumption down to sporadic. I have never been a big drinker, but I do know that if I drink, I am consuming empty calories, and to be honest, I would rather enjoy chocolate instead 😉   I am trying to eat healthier meals, cutting the fat. I have been experimenting with spices, and trying new recipes. I have to continue to want to make these choices.

I am trying to hit the gym several times a week, twice a week for weight training with my Sadist, and cardio the other days. I have managed to hit a snag in this road. I was rear-ended last week after my workout, and my soreness and aches have not gone away. I am now going to a doctor for treatments and will have to modify my torture sessions for a while. Does this mean I am giving up? Quitting? Surrendering? Nope. This means I need to be extra diligent in my efforts.

I cannot stop this quest. I have friends who told me they are following along with me, pushing themselves to be a healthier person. Why? Because I have taken the steps myself, and I am sharing them.

I am a teacher. I have always wanted to inspire young minds to find the greatness inside themselves, and to pursue them. But to find out that I have touched the lives of women I hold close to my heart? This information has brought me to my knees.

Keep Holding On

8:25  I woke this morning with a couple of thoughts running a course through my mind. The first thought was, “Wow. This is it, the last day of vacation.” despite the fact that I have been at work this past week, getting ready for a new school year to start. Today is it. The End. Tomorrow, ready or not, in my part of the world, kiddos return to classes, filling the hallways with chaos, wonder, and quite a bit of noise. The other thought that has run along side of the first is, “How am I going to be able to accomplish everything that I need to do this year with such a crazy schedule?!?” While the first thought made me pause, it is the second one that has really left me dazed and confused today.

I look at the people who succeed in so much, staying so busy, while making it all look almost effortless to the outsiders, when in reality, while I am peering at the same endeavor through the gaps in the fingers which are hiding my eyes from the truth, I am just now beginning to see everything they sacrifice. I don’t want to have to give up anything that I need, or enjoy, but the mountain I see looming in front of me seems so large!

I have made a commitment to myself to take better care of me, a huge undertaking that involves not only the healthier and more fit outside, but also repairing the inside, the heart that gets bruised so easily, and the mind that is so forgiving of everyone but myself, forever finding the flaws that only my eyes will see. The commitment to document my thoughts, progresses, and setbacks so others know that they do not stand alone in their struggles.

I have my commitment to my children to be the best Mom I can be for them, and to be there as much as I can. Any parent out there understands that no other description of this role is necessary.

My commitment to my jobs, to be a reliable person. To work to the best of my abilities in every capacity I am needed in. To not only protect and defend my students if need be, but to be a brush stroke, or a page written, in their life.

Looking at the next nine months that lay out in the calendar ahead of me, I see my weaknesses. Life is a balance. I hope I can maintain mine without sacrificing something special to me.

It Could Have Been Worse…


Where to start this one? I guess I should follow the brilliant advice by Maria in The Sound of Music and start at the very beginning. Well, maybe I will just start from my journey into hell tonight. If you have been following my blog, then you know this means I met with Sadist tonight, and he licked my butt, legs, biceps and abs. I may invent new words /names for him tomorrow as I’m hovering over the potty.

I get there with time to hop on the treadmill and warm up, no problem. I even suspected it’d be a leg day. Cocky me thought, “No worries, it’ll be fine!” I was so beyond wrong, there is no known word to describe it. Remember, Sadist gets off on working in tri-sets, three back-to-back-to-back exercises, one set at a time, then you rest. Repeat this evil, horrid cycle four times per grouping. Keep that in your mind…

First out of the box:

1A) dumbbell squat +curl+ shoulder press  12 reps /set, 10 pounds the first 2 sets, 15 pounds the second 2

1B) sit-ups   12 reps with 0, then 10, 20 and 25 pound weights each next set.

1C)  mountain climbers   20 reps X 4 sets

REST (I need this because I am already dripping sweat and breathing hard)

2A)  wall sit + dumbbell hammer curl 15 pounds 30 seconds sets 1 & 2, 45 seconds, 60 seconds

2B)  EZ bar thruster (I call BS on the name! This is a barbell, you squat down and when you raise up, you push the barbell up over your head. DYING!!!) 12 reps, 20 pounds X 4 sets

2C)  flutter kicks   20 reps X 4 sets

REST  (I have asked S at this point to just put a flower on my head, throw some dirt over me and mark my grave “Here lies Monday. She died of heat while aiming for Dayum Hot!” My quads are shaking like a jello mold now, I am breathing like a thoroughbred, and I have reached loathing towards S)

3A)  split squats 10 squats per leg X 4 sets (I am flashing “jazz hands” as I struggle for balance on these.)

3B)  wide grip cable curls 12 reps, 20 pounds X 4 sets

3C)  leg raises  (you know, where you hang feet off the ground and hope you can pull your knees up)  12 reps X 4 sets

DONE!!! I died. I felt like a 9 month old baby learning the independence of walking, and looking like a drunken fawn at the same time. I look at him with pleading eyes, but, no good, he tells me to walk it out.

Okay, so the hell that I voluntarily put myself through is done, I managed to get out to my car without looking to ridiculous, and start to head home for food and a bath. It did not happen quite the way I had planned, and took an hour longer to get home, but when you get rear ended, it tends to put a crinkle in not only your car, but also the good intentions of the night.

On the bright side of things, no one was hurt, and tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Until next time, stay strong and keep believing in yourself.