A Challenge Begun

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Here I am, 42 years old, 6 feet tall, relatively happy. I have been feeling fairly confident about myself thanks, in large part, to a collection of some of the greatest women I have never met, but with whom I have found a real and solid friendship, all thanks to a common interest and Twitter. A seed was planted and from that seed, a plan emerged for us all to meet, really, truly meet in New Orleans this next May. 

I think I need to back track here. I have, for the past twenty years, struggled with my weight. I have always had, and admittedly still have, the worst body self image. I have always been geeky and tall. Taller than every girl my age growing up, but i digress. I had a husband who disliked the way I dressed, saying i was frumpy. No tucking in of my tops because of my stomach. Embarrassed to take me out because of my weight. This plays heavily into my state of mind regarding my body image.

I have mothered two beautiful children, and I have tried extremely hard to never be negative about my them. 

I had success a few years ago with my weight. I took a diet pill, under my doctors supervision, and worked out regularly, and went from my highest weight ever of 246 to a gorgeous, slimmer, healthier 189 pounds. I maintained, kept it mostly off for two years until this past year at work. Over the course of nine months, my weight ballooned back up to where I start this diary today, a depressing 222.8 pounds. Worse than that number was the solid numerical proof that I had reached a body fat that is well into the obese area, if not morbidly so. My body fat last night at my initial meeting with a physical trainer was a depressing and astounding 38. He asked what my goal is? I want to be healthy. I want to be attractive. I want to date again. But what about the number? The magic number I want to reach is 170. Wow.

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Accountability helps. I need to be accountable to someone other than myself, because, I will become discouraged, have those rough spots, and quit, so I am laying myself out bare for the world. I am making myself accountable to YOU. I hope that my journey, my struggles, my ups and down will help not just myself, but anyone who views themselves negatively.

I would love to hear from you, whatever you have to say…

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8 thoughts on “A Challenge Begun

  1. You are on the right track but try not to focus on weight, the number on the scale, the number on the body fat analyzer. Take it day by day and week by week. Attempt to eat healthy each day and exercise 5 to 6 days per week. Try to find a way of eating and exercising that you enjoy; that you will continue the rest of your life. That is the only way to be successful long term. Old habits will always take you back down the pathway of being unhealthy and unhappy. Therefore, the key is to develop new healthy habits. So experiment with natural foods that you enjoy. Find a form of exercise that you love. Then it all becomes easy.

  2. I used to be a skinny ninny oh 33 years ago. I am 5 8 1/2. When I got married I was around 103 pound seriously underweight not anorexic but we joked that I looked like a Biafra child. We stuffed my wedding dress with tissue to fill out the bodice. After two kids I was a healthy 130. Twelve years ago I developed bad asthma and had to go on prednisone. I had stopped exercising and went to 162. I felt awful and didnt look good either. I gradually eased off the meds and joined a gym. I go almost everyday and have lost twenty pounds and look and feel so much better. I do the circuit of weight bearing machines everyday and then ride a recumbent bike and read for thirty minutes. On my off days I do the elliptical for twenty (while reading)and read for thirty on the bike. On that elliptical I started for 15 seconds and increased my time by ten seconds everyday until I could do 30 minutes. That shows you how out of shape I was. Going to the gym makes me feel so much better. My hubby says I too used to look frumpy but that was due to boring colors and baggy clothes. I’ve seen the big girl models you have posted. Those beautiful ladies wear clothes that fit. Not shapeless frumpy clothes. Friday I am having my closets assessed to get rid of stuff that doesn’t fit and looks like shit(I won the assessment at an auction). I can’t wait to get rid of some of the stuff but as I am a clutter bug it is hard to do it on my own. You go girl and keep me posted!

    1. Thank you so much for those words, Linda! My goal, beyond helping myself into a healthy body, is to encourage others to find their health. I wont be skinny, I’ve too much “me” for skinny, but I want to be healthy. I want to be someone that I can be proud of, that my children can be proud of, that my friends can be proud of. I will be sharing a lot, I’ve already put all the grisly details out there, now I have to follow through!

  3. Even never have seen you I know you are beautiful. I don’t care what your face or body looks like because via twitter you have already shown me how beautiful you are on the inside. That being said I support the goals you set for yourself 100% and wish you success. When you want to vent, complain, or just give up know that we are here for you. I applaud your bravery at putting yourself out there. Love you sweets!!

  4. I’m with you, Sister. I lost more weight when we did RBW than any other time, and I’ve gained back since it ended. (10 pounds but still, it’s aggravating.) I agree, accountability worked for me, so I asked some friends to ask me on Saturday, how much $ did earn this past week? My plan is that for every day I 1) exercise, and 2) keep to my My Fitness Pal calorie limit, I earn $1 to be put into a “Gettin’ Crazy” jar. Next May I want to tap that jar for all it’s worth and get crazy at a yarn festival we all attend every year. So far I have $2. Not great, 5 days later, but life just loves to throw a monkey wrench into my plans.

    Good luck, lady!! You can do it! We’ll be watching!! 🙂

    1. Oh, lord, 10 would be okay, but I did so much worse! I’ve a planet I’m accountable to now, not just myself (which hasn’t done any good!)

      Thank you for the support, Carla!!

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