Here I am, 42 years old, 6 feet tall, relatively happy. I have been feeling fairly confident about myself thanks, in large part, to a collection of some of the greatest women I have never met, but with whom I have found a real and solid friendship, all thanks to a common interest and Twitter. A seed was planted and from that seed, a plan emerged for us all to meet, really, truly meet in New Orleans this next May.
I think I need to back track here. I have, for the past twenty years, struggled with my weight. I have always had, and admittedly still have, the worst body self image. I have always been geeky and tall. Taller than every girl my age growing up, but i digress. I had a husband who disliked the way I dressed, saying i was frumpy. No tucking in of my tops because of my stomach. Embarrassed to take me out because of my weight. This plays heavily into my state of mind regarding my body image.
I have mothered two beautiful children, and I have tried extremely hard to never be negative about my them.
I had success a few years ago with my weight. I took a diet pill, under my doctors supervision, and worked out regularly, and went from my highest weight ever of 246 to a gorgeous, slimmer, healthier 189 pounds. I maintained, kept it mostly off for two years until this past year at work. Over the course of nine months, my weight ballooned back up to where I start this diary today, a depressing 222.8 pounds. Worse than that number was the solid numerical proof that I had reached a body fat that is well into the obese area, if not morbidly so. My body fat last night at my initial meeting with a physical trainer was a depressing and astounding 38. He asked what my goal is? I want to be healthy. I want to be attractive. I want to date again. But what about the number? The magic number I want to reach is 170. Wow.
Accountability helps. I need to be accountable to someone other than myself, because, I will become discouraged, have those rough spots, and quit, so I am laying myself out bare for the world. I am making myself accountable to YOU. I hope that my journey, my struggles, my ups and down will help not just myself, but anyone who views themselves negatively.
I would love to hear from you, whatever you have to say…